Getting Away

In a few hours, I will be on a plane headed to Europe.  For a lot of people, I'm sure, the day one leaves on a Transatlantic voyage is one of excitement.  For me, I'm a 9-year-old boy.  In a bad way.

When I was 9, I left on a vacation with my sister to Los Angeles.  It wasn't a big deal - we were just going out to see my grandmother.  I'd traveled before, and I wasn't that worried about it.  And the trip itself, outside of a weird experience/dream in a strange house where I could've sworn we'd been broken into, was fine.  The return trip was fine.  It was the news I got when I returned that wasn't fine.

While I was gone, my dad had died.

Now, this won't be a "Drew's dad died" story - it's more of a "how this affected Drew psychologically" story.  Because 9-year-old kids are old enough to think but not smart enough to understand.  So my 9-year-old mind equated "leaving" with "someone dying."  My 9-year-old brain decided that, if I wasn't home, something bad was going to happen.

And, from that day on, I was a worrier.

I worried on the first day of school, nauseated on dozens of occasions.  I was sick on the first day of all three mission trips I went on (including one to Europe).  Going to college was a nightmare - I was sick on the one day of orientation I went to, and I skipped every pre-college activity until the first day of school.  Every time I left home, no matter the destination or the duration, my 9-year-old brain worried that it would be the next time I'd leave and someone wouldn't be there when I got back.

Has it gotten better?  Yes and no.  First of all, let me state that I always got better immediately.  The jitters I got for the first day of school never returned on the second.  On every mission trip that I got sick, I felt better the next day.  I happily went off to TCU in my sophomore through senior years.  What I was dealing with mostly surrounded the plane flight taking me away from my protection duties and the fear of being so far away.

Secondly, I haven't had that problem in a while.  I've been on a number of trips in the last few years with no issues at all.  I think cell phone technology makes things a little easier because people are a phone call away. If someone was in trouble, it'd be harder to keep me in the dark the way I was kept in the past.  And hearing someone's voice helps alleviate the fear that they are dead.

At the same time, I'm sitting here with a little knot in my stomach at the idea of being this far away for the first time in a long time.  Because one of those little creature comforts that makes things so much easier (Mr. Cell Phone) won't be there.  Oh, I can call if I want to spend high costs roaming, but that's surely not the wisest thing.  And the sheer distance is something that I always worry about.  If something happened, it would take me half a day to get back, as opposed to good old domestic travel, where I can be back in a matter of hours no matter where I am.

Now, I've been sick for a couple of days.  My worst day was Wednesday night and Thursday.  My mom, well aware of how I treat travel, asked if it was nerves.  I didn't think so, and I don't think so.  The Wednesday before a Saturday flight is too early, even for a trip this far and this long.  In my head, the distance between Wednesday and Saturday is long enough to block off as "never going to get here."  I'm usually a "get sick the night before and the day of" type person.

I just don't think an already-weakened stomach is very conducive to my 9-year-old brain's worries.

Will I be fine?  Despite all the Taken references I've heard the last few weeks, I'll probably be fine.  I'm traveling with people that know the land and know the language.  Mostly everything on the trip was carefully planned with safety in mind, insured by people in their 20s that can afford to play for such things.

Will my people be fine?  I imagine so.  I have to trust that God and angels can take care of people while I'm gone (and I make that prayer before travel just in case).  And as I've grown, I've come to realize that accidents can happen no matter where I am, and that I couldn't stop the inevitability way back when anyway.

But it's a strange feeling to look forward to a trip but also look forward to being back home.  Instead of looking forward to seeing Paris, I spent last night thinking about the things I'm going to miss about home.  And thinking about how short the trip will actually be and how soon I'll be home,  the exact opposite of most travelers' thoughts.

I even started to wonder why I was going on the trip at all.  The idea of two weeks at home started to fill my head with thoughts that I'd be super-relaxed when I was done.  The fact that I'd spent all this money on a trip when I'm trying to start a business (even though I paid for one before I even thought up the other) popped into my mind, and I castigated myself for being so irresponsible.  I started wondering what kind of love affair I ever thought I'd have with France or Germany or Switzerland that I'd even want to go on this trip.

It's all my 9-year-old brain, now armed with 27-year-old wisdom, trying to make last-minute attacks on the trip so I won't go.  Of course it's better to go than not to go.  It's just something I have to realize on my own because I typically depend on that "worry center" to keep myself and my loved ones safe.  Ignoring it is something I just don't do very often.

This trip is going to be very important to me.  Besides seeing Paris and Germany and Switzerland for the first time, it's happening at a very interesting time.  Immediately after I get back, I'm going to get the first real look at the web site I'm creating.  What happens on that front is anyone's guess.  It could crap out, and it could make me a millionaire.  If it goes really well, it could be a billion-dollar idea.

The site could change everything for the better.  And, if so, this trip is going to be the final rest I get before this thing goes full speed ahead.  Money is coming together.  Networking is coming together.  Stuff is getting built.  And it might be a while until I have a chance to do something like this again.

It's why I'm going to buy a notebook and write down any and all thoughts I might have on this trip.  I feel like I'm on the precipice of something big, and I'd like to record everything.  Even if the precipice is just big disappointment in my web site failing, it's still a monumental thing that I'm doing.  And I'll be doing all of this thinking on a continent full of things thousands of years older than the things we have here.  Seeing stuff that most people only see on TV.

I need to keep my head straight to enjoy this trip, believe it or not.  And I think the journal can make that possible.

So, for the next two weeks, hold things down for me.  I'll be back soon, but hopefully not too soon.

Privacy

My friend Brian (Plug) is one of the best people I know.  He cares deeply about people, he works tirelessly to help people less fortunate than him, and he's very sharp.  And while I think we're both very intelligent people, we see very differently on a few things.

One of those things is privacy.

On Twitter, he brought up a privacy issue.  The government is apparently using drones to spy on people.  He thought it was outrageous that anyone could possibly go along with it.  And I, basically, said that I didn't understand the problem.  Because, basically, I don't necessarily understand the right to privacy.  Particularly when dealing with the issue of safety.

If I had to choose between privacy and safety, give me safety.  Not even close.
If I had to choose between privacy and safety of the nation, give me safety.  Not even close.
If I had to choose between privacy and safety of one person I know, give me safety.  Not even close.
If I had to choose between privacy and safety of one person I don't know, give me safety.  Not even close.

Do I close the door of my apartment?  Yes.  Do I close the blinds so that people can't see in?  Yes.  Do I close the door of my room, even when no one is there but my roommate?  Yes.  Do I do things in the privacy of my own space that I don't want people to see?  Yes.  Would I be embarrassed if things I do got out into the public?  Yes.

I value privacy.  I protect my privacy.  But I don't value it over life.  Any life.

I have things to hide.  But I'm willing to expose my skeletons if other people expose their own.  And if those other exposed skeletons can save lives, I'm more than happy to be a little embarrassed.

You might agree with me.  You might not.  Let's do a little mind test, though.

Would you allow cameras to monitor your life 24/7 if it meant saving a life?  The life is chosen at random.  It could be someone you know, it could be someone in your city or your state or your country.  It could be a bad person or a good person.  You don't know who it would be, and you would never find out.

My answer is yes.

If your answer is no, I have a follow up.  Would you kill that person, in cold blood, to keep your privacy?

I asked this question to a person at work whose opinion I respect.  She said that the person would have to die.  Same with five people.  Ten.  One hundred.  One million.  She values her privacy over millions of lives.  And that's fine.  One right I believe in more than privacy is the right to one's own opinion.  Like Brian, I respect the opinion of anyone.  Not only if they disagree - especially if they disagree.

This coworker isn't a criminal.  She has nothing dangerous to hide.  If the government put surveillance on her, there would be nothing to gain.  Same with Brian.  Same with me.  But there are people with dangerous secrets that they're trying to hide.  And in matters of life, death, and embarrassment, I can't help but think of "One of these things is not like the other." 

Embarrassment goes away.  People don't come back from the dead.  I've dealt with the death of a close family member, and I've been embarrassed in front of my entire high school.  One is much, much worse.

Now one issue that I understand is - who's watching?  If it means airing my secrets to the entire world, I better be saving a pretty great life.  I'm not allowing a camera to put my life on the Internet to save a criminal on death row or a 99 year old man in hospice. 

But we're not talking about that.

We're also not talking about 24/7 surveillance on every American.  Simply because that's physically impossible.  Unless we're outsourcing this surveillance to 350 million Martians, there aren't enough people to monitor everyone all the time.  Even if there was a camera in every room, who's going to watch all those cameras?  If I'm asleep, does the monitor get to sleep?  Probably not.  So does he have to stay awake all the time?  Or do you have to assign two people to watch me 24/7?  Three?  Four?  What if my guy gets sick?  Or wants a vacation day?  Five?  Six?

It's a ridiculous idea.  Big Brother can't happen because the resources don't exist.  We could oursource it to intelligent machines, but we don't really seem to care about embarrassing ourselves in front of our current machines.  I don't hide myself from a lamp.  Or my TV.  Or even the all-powerful Internet.  If Commander Data wants to watch me undress, I don't think I'd care.  Because he certainly wouldn't.

We trust certain people to do certain jobs.  When your house is broken into, we trust that the police will come quickly and save our lives.  Is there a chance that the policeman is more of a criminal than the intruder?  Sure.  The intruder could be a good but desperate man, and the cop could be as dirty as Matt Damon in The Departed.  But at a certain point, we have to trust that the "good guys" are on our side.

It's the same with the government.  Politicians might be sleazy, but they're people like you and me.  I don't necessarily believe that any people are born evil.  And I honestly believe that civil servants of any kind all started their careers wanting to help people.  Any person monitoring any other person would be the same.  I'd have to trust that they're going to be professional.  Will they all be?  Probably not.  But I also don't think they'd all be evil.

If it means saving a life, go ahead and film me.  Particularly if it's my life.

Hi. I'm Drew. Still.

So I was asked to start blogging again, meaning someone is way more bored than they need to be.  People that are that bored need to check out cracked.com.  They're funnier than me, and they have years worth of material that is both interesting and educational. 

Where have I been?  Nothing has really changed.  Apparently game six of the World Series changed everything and threw the blog off its axis.  Which is fine because game six threw a lot of things off their axis.  It still stings, but we're months into a new season now....and I'm hoping that a championship will fix the Rangers like it fixed the Mavs.

Why no blogging?  Well, I'll be honest - Twitter is my new blogging.  I can write something in 140 characters and get something out of my head the same way I used to use this place.  It won't be as descriptive, but that wasn't really the point.  I write things online to get them out of my head.  Like I've said many times, that stuff is for me.  If you don't read it, it doesn't matter.  If you don't understand it, it doesn't matter.  Now, I'll hopefully write other stuff that you might care about.  But it's one reason I don't post my blog posts to Facebook or Twitter.  Because, at the end of the day, I write for me. 

I'm glad to have you here, though, Eastern Europe.

The other reason is that I've been busy with school....and I've started my own business.  That's right, I'm now an entrepreneur.  This is something that could be a long shot, and it *will* be a lot of work....but if it works, it could be huge.  It's an idea that I can't believe isn't out there already, and I'm hoping to be the first one out in the market with it.  If so, I think we'll be able to take the city by storm.  And if we can expand properly, I really think we'll have a hit on our hands.  I truly believe that.

So I've spent a lot of time putting together data, networking, making contacts, and trying to find investors to get the project off the ground.  And I'm close...really close...and I'm really excited to get it out there and see what people think.

I'll try and keep up with this.  Again.