Connection

I was introduced to a girl a couple of weeks ago.  I met her for drinks on a Sunday, and we talked for a couple of hours.  It went well.  I wanted to see her again, and I asked her out.  She said yes.

Our first date also went well.  A bottle of wine.  Delicious food.  And conversation that filled another couple of hours.  We talked about future dates.  What we like.  What we don't like.  What makes us tick.

Again, going well.

A couple of days later, she comes up with an idea.  Cirque du Soleil.  She'd like to go - with me.  A second date (third if the first meeting counts).  I smile because it feels like something is building.  This could be the start of something.  We could look back on this, years later, and talk about our first dates.  I could be living a story we would be telling for a long time.  But that's a possible future- the present is too interesting to worry about it.

We go to the show.  We have fun.  It's nice.

I try to set up our next meeting.  The first two went so well, there would have to be a third.  I think back to things she said she'd like to do.  Small keywords lead to grand ideas.  Arboretum.  Macaroni and Cheese.  I'm planning.  Scheming.  Date three.  Four.  Five.  Ten.  Fifteen.

Silence.

No response for one day.  Then a second.  A phone call goes unanswered.  Then the silence is broken with a statement.  "I don't feel a connection.  It's best to stop now."

Connection is a funny thing.  When two people hold hands, a connection is made.  One side feels it and the other side feels it.  It's how almost every connection in the world works.

But not the heart.  One side can feel a connection that the other side cannot feel.  It's something that I've never really been able to understand.  How can one person feel something when the other person feels nothing?  How can one person cling on to something they feel is special, while the other person is comfortable letting go?  How can something burn for someone with no effect on the other?  How can "connection" be so one-sided?

In most ways, it's a good thing.  From my experience, a quick, painful strike is much better than a slow one.  And for most people, a connection cannot be created - it's there or it isn't.  So if it isn't there, there is no point faking it..

But for now, it's sad.  It's painful.  But, mostly, it's confusing.  Did I feel something?  Or did I simply want to feel something?  And, in the end, is there a difference?