Something Greater

Something happened last week that really opened my eyes to something.  I instantly became more focused, and a lot of the things that I think I'm looking for became very clear in my head.  At the same time, everything also became very murky.  I became very aware of the mistakes of the past, the sins of the present, and the fears of the future.

No, I don't think I'll be talking about it here.  It wasn't anything dangerous or, honestly, all that Earth shattering.  Simply an epiphany.  Not really worth discussing.

But in times like this, I start thinking about the world we live in.  The natural and, more specifically, the supernatural.

I'm not necessarily talking about religion.  I could easily be talking about something a little more mystical or even something mythical.  People choose to believe in what they choose to believe in.

And it usually ends up with a simple fact - we know that we are limited.  And we think and/or assume that we are unable to get all that we want without a little bit of help.  So whether it be God, superpowers, or some kind of spell, we want something else to take us part of the way.

Which is why I'm fascinated by someone like a friend of mine....who chooses not to believe in any of that stuff.  He calls himself agnostic, but he's basically atheist.  And I'm sure he'd simply laugh at loud at the idea of a psychic or anything like that.  He doesn't really believe in anything outside of what he can see.

And while I can totally see that, it's almost impossible for me to understand that.  He's okay with the idea that there's nothing after life, and that terrifies me to no end.  This idea that there's something better than what we have here is something that has driven us forever.  Because no matter how good someone's life is, there's something that tortures every soul.  And I assume that all of us long for a time when that torture stops.

We've always told stories about things greater than ourselves, and it's always been something unknown.  In old times, it was stuff like witchcraft.  Dragons.  Monsters.  It was a big world, and we barely understood it. If something tore someone apart, it was a monster.  If someone did something miraculous, it was magic.

As we advanced, we began to understand more.  And while we still fear those kind of monsters, we've explored most of the dark and scary places on the planet.  There are no dragons or monsters here.  And from what we can tell, there's no such thing as magic.  We've been forced to believe that magic and technology are one in the same.

So with a pretty solid general understanding of where we live, we try to think of the next thing to fear.  In the last a hundred years, we look to the stars.  Just like ancient man looked into the forest and realized that anything could be out there, we look out into space with the same fear.  Space is gigantic, and there's no way we're here all by ourselves.  So what's out there?  And, more importantly, would they rather help us or harm us?

The one thing that we have held on to is religion.  Most of us trust science, but science is silent on the subject of religion.  It's unable to prove or disprove anything.  We feel like we have a pretty solid understanding of the rules of the universe, but we don't know who wrote them.  We feel like we know how the universe started, but it's hard to get a consensus on how it started.

And like with everything, we wonder whether or not God is on our side or not.  Is my God more powerful than someone else's God?  Does He love some people more than others?  If I've had a hard life, does God hate me, or does He have a greater reward for me in the afterlife?  Is God a parental figure?  A disciplinarian?  A supervisor?

But what it always comes down to is....what can God do for me?  Can He make life better on Earth for me? Can he promise me eternal happiness if I put up with life on Earth?

Then there's prayer.  Are we supposed to treat Him as a teacher and ask for knowledge?  As a counselor and ask for guidance?  Or are there times when we can treat Him like a genie?  Is it irresponsible to wish things of God, or is that one of the real things that prayer is all about?

If I want something....and I mean truly want something....can God deliver it to me?  Does He even take my desires into account, particularly if they disagree with His own?  Or does God do what God wants to do, and the "answered" prayers are simply times when man's desires sync up with God's?  Are "unanswered prayers" a lesson, or does God just not want something to happen and doesn't allow it?

Or, is it our worse fear, and are our prayers going on deaf ears?  Indifferent ears?  Angry ears?  Or a complete lack of ears?

In my focus and lack of focus, I've tried to think of the best way to get what I want out of the time I'm here.  And I've been trying not to leave any stone unturned.  Because, at the end of the day, I feel like I'm in a place where I'm ready for the universe to open up to me.  I already believe in something greater than myself, but I want something more.  I want to know that I'm capable of my own greatness and that something out there is willing to help if I need it.

I want to believe in wishes and magic and a loving God that wants the best for all of us.  Because at the end of the day, isn't it all the same?