Fan Rules

I might have talked about this already, but the Saints' victory in the Super Bowl yesterday makes me want to mention it again.

"It" being the subject of fan rules - the rules that govern what teams you are allowed to be a fan of. I'm sure a lot of people are thinking that there shouldn't be rules - you should be able to cheer for whatever team you want.

False.

There are rules, and they are in place to protect the sanctity of the sport. There really isn't any punishment for breaking them, but you will not have my sports' respect if you do so.

The biggest violators of this rule were the fans that cheered for the Red Sox to break the Curse of the Bambino in 2003. I was at TCU at the time, and I remember this sudden change taking place. One day, we were living in Fort Worth, Texas - the next day, we were living in Boston. There were Red Sox fans everywhere, all claiming to support the cursed little team that could.

The problem was that all of these people were from places outside Boston, and none of them had given a crap about the Red Sox until they became the story of the year.

And there was a lot of that with the Saints this year. People liked the funny expressions, such as spelling "go" with an "eaux" at the end of it. And "who dat?" - whatever that's supposed to mean.

All of these people broke the rules, and apparently, people need to be reminded. So, here they are.

Rule 1 - If you were born and currently live in a city, you cheer for the team that plays there. I don't care if the team is terrible, you are not allowed to pick another team. I've lived in Dallas for my entire life, and I cheer for all of the teams here. Only two of the four teams in the area have ever won a championship (and the two teams that haven't won aren't exactly new), and none of them have won a title in over a decade. But this rule cannot be broken.

Rule 2 - The only exception to rule number one has to deal with your parents. If your parents are huge Yankees' fans, and they move down to Dallas, you are allowed to cheer for the same team as your parents. But you are encouraged to cheer for the home team whenever appropriate.

Rule 3 - The same applies to colleges. If you go to a Division I-A university, you have to cheer for them. I don't care if you grew up a huge Michigan fan, and you went to Ohio State because it had a really good (whatever) program. You're supposed to cheer for Ohio State. I don't care that they suck and your heart wasn't in it - when you chose to go to the school, you probably took athletics into account. Support your school and support the home team. You can make an exception for Division 1-AA and lower schools because they don't compete with Division 1-A schools. So my friend Tucker, who went to ACU, isn't breaking the rules by cheering for UT. But he probably should've been a bigger ACU fan.

Rule 4 - If your city doesn't have a team in a particular city (for example, Lincoln, Nebraska), you're allowed to be a free agent. It would probably be wise to pick a team that is geographically close so that you can watch that team play, but you don't have to. But this leads into rule 5.

Rule 5 - Once you pick a team to root for, you're locked in. If you decide to cheer for the Toronto Raptors because you're a huge fan of Chris Bosh, you aren't allowed to follow him to his new team. The team is more important than the player so be careful when you choose.

Rule 6 - You're only allowed to pick up a new team if you move to that city. If you were born in Seattle (and, thus, you cheer for the Seahawks)...and you move to Kansas City...you're allowed to cheer for the Chiefs. Because, like with rule number one, you're now rooting for the home team. Although this works best if both teams aren't in the same division. And, preferably, they'll be in different conferences. And note that I said, "allowed." You are not required to pick up the team of your new city - in fact, it's pretty cool when you don't.

These rules are designed to prevent several things.

1. Bandwagon jumping. Just because a team is a nice story doesn't mean you can become a fan of theirs. Root for them, sure. But you're a fan of one team - stick with it.

2. Cheering for a team just because they're winners. How is it any fun to always cheer for whatever team is best? Isn't half the fun of winning in sports remembering what it felt like to lose?

3. Massive groups of (insert team) in your stadium. I hate going to the ballpark for a Yankees/Rangers game, and the home team gets drowned out by fake Yankees' fans. If you've lived in Texas your whole life, you're supposed to cheer for the Rangers. I don't care that they suck - it was the cards you were given. And I promise that the first Rangers' World Series will feel a lot better to me than 26 fake Yankees' World Series will feel to you.

Follow these simple rules, and we won't have any issues. Break them...and you'll be sorry.