Thirty Blog Challenge - Blog 3

Blog 3 - Something You Have To Forgive Yourself For

The one I let get away.

Imagine you're at a barbecue, and you see two grills. One grill is shiny and golden, and a small stack of juicy steaks are beside it. On the other grill are a stack of hamburgers. There's a long line for the steaks because everyone loves steak. There's less of a line for the hamburgers, but you get in the steak line. After all, they probably won't run out by the time you get there.

You smell something good, and you look around for what it is. You think, for a second, that it's the steak. But it isn't - it's actually the hamburgers. They smell good, and you start to wonder what it would taste like. But you stay in your line - you want steak.

A few minutes later, you start hearing that the steaks are running out. You check, but you can't see for sure. You can see the hamburgers though - there seem to be plenty. You rationalize that if you can't get a steak, you can probably still get a hamburger. You wait it out. You can still smell the burgers, but you start to ignore the smell. It's a matter of principle now - you're getting the damn steak. If not, the burger will be there.

News hits that the steaks are out. Everyone who reaches the grill leaves unhappy. But you have to see for yourself. People from the steak line get in the burger line and leave happy. You see it, but you still aren't affected. There was a huge stack of burgers - one will be there for you if you need it.

You get to the front of the line, and the news is right. Steaks are out. You notice that the smell from the steak grill isn't even as great as you'd imagined. Maybe the meat wasn't good, or maybe the chef wasn't. Either way, no steak for you, and the steak you wanted maybe didn't even exist.

But there will always be burgers, right? You walk to the burger line, and it's closed. All the burgers have been eaten. One wasn't saved for you.

In college, I tried for a steak and they were out. When I tried to go get a burger, it was gone too. And even though it smelled and looked good, it didn't matter. I went the more difficult route when I would've been happier with the easier one.

And I still beat myself up about it. Even though, at the end of the day, I was a dumb kind. Of course the hungry guy's going to want the steak. If I knew what I knew now, things would be different. But I didn't - I made the choice with the information I was given.

There's other burgers out there. Maybe even other steak. The barbecue isn't over, and I need to stop pretending that it is. I need to forgive myself for being choosing poorly and move on.