As TCU started to march back in their opening game to Baylor this season, I refused to get into the game. My rationale was simple - I'd already accepted that the Frogs were going to lose, and I wasn't going to lose the game twice. If I allowed myself to get back into the game and they didn't win, that's exactly what I would've felt. I would've lost the same game twice.
Tonight, I lost the same game twice. As I sat in the apartment, actually yelling at the TV, I tried to get Neftali Feliz to get the final strike we needed. Instead, he gave up a two-run double that tied the game.
I fell to my knees. I couldn't move. It was horrible. One of the worst moments of my sports life. And I turned the TV off.
Only to find out a few minutes later that Josh Hamilton had hit a 2-run home run. And even though Feliz was done, we had two pinch hitters and the pitcher left in the game. A two-run cushion and three guys who could barely hit their weight coming up. It was in the bag.
Nope. Darren Oliver allowed two (and almost three) hits to those three guys. Then the Cardinals' top hitters came up and tied the game again. The next inning, they won.
Twice, the game was down to it's final strike. Twice, the game-tying hit was given up.
Tomorrow, I'm not going to watch the Rangers. It isn't because I've given up on them. It isn't because I'm turning in my fan card. It isn't because I don't care. In fact, I'd argue that it's because I care too much. Often times, I've been told that I'm too passionate about sports. That I allow it to control my life too much. To affect my emotions.
I'd agree with that, but it's all I've known. While it's broken my heart dozens of times, sports has been the one consistent thing in my entire life. It's always been there when I needed it, even when it didn't given me what I wanted. And after my dad died, it was baseball that made everything feel better again.
People forget (or don't care in the first place) that I love the Rangers. I love baseball. They were my first love, and any waning appreciation for the sport simply came from the fact that the team continued to break my heart again and again and again.
Tonight, they broke it twice more. Worse than when the Mavs lost in 2006. Worse than when the Stars lost in the Stanley Cup Finals in 2000. Or when the Stars lost to the Ducks in 2003. Or when TCU lost to Boise State in the Fiesta Bowl.
As far as sports-related heartbreaks go, this was number one.
And, yeah, they have a chance to win tomorrow. Probably a pretty good chance. Matt Harrison is a solid pitcher, and the Rangers' offense did more than enough to win tonight.
But you don't come back from a loss like that. You don't get a third chance at this. In life, you either take the bull by the horns, or it gores you through your chest. It's that simple.
And if the team is stronger than that, then more power to them. If they can come back from this loss, then I will be very proud of them. But I'm not strong enough. I can't come back from it.
I refuse to lose this series twice.
I am not a huge Rangers fan. I'm a Michael fan and an Ian fan, but the rest of the guys are just there. I like them when they play well, and I would have been so happy for my friends who care deeply about that team if they had pulled in the World Series Title.
ReplyDeleteThat said, that game ripped my heart out. Blech. I also didn't watch the game last night, and I feel I'm much happier for it.
I don't know what that says about me, but whatever it is, I'm pretty willing to accept it.