Rain Is Stupid

I don't know who wrote "I'm Only Happy When It Rains" - I don't care to know because that person is stupid. Because rain is stupid. I hate rain.

Now I know that rain serves a purpose. It waters the plants and stuff, but this is 2009. We can water our own plants, thank you very much.

Because I'm a guy who makes a big plan for the day in the morning, and even though I almost never get to everything on my plan, rain pretty much eliminates my entire plan before it starts. It is like I walk out of the door, ready to take on the world, and the weather slaps me on the face and tells me, "You will do absolutely nothing today."

Because I don't like to drive in the rain. I don't like to walk from my car to the store in the rain. I don't like carrying things from a store to my car in the rain. Overall, I don't like being in the rain.

I can't play tennis in the rain. I can't go for a run in the rain. I can't be outside at all in the rain. And, worst of all, sporting events get cancelled in the rain. Except for football, basketball, and hockey. I even think soccer is played in the rain.

So, I guess, baseball gets cancelled in the rain.

And as cool as I think lightning is, I've always kinda thought in the back of my head that I am going to get struck by lightning at some point. I realize the odds are really against me getting struck by lightning, but I also believe that I'll win the lottery at some point. So I say "odds schodds" to all that.

Then there's all the side effects of rain. Satellite TV doesn't work as well. Sometimes the HD channels don't work very well. And, of course, there's the stupid radar that the networks put up in the corner, and the bar at the bottom telling you which counties are about to get destroyed by a tornado. They even break into your programming to give you the same information.

I'm trying to watch LOST, Pete Delkus. I don't care about Palo Pinto County.

And that's if your power is even working. Whenever there's rain, I'm always worried that the power is going to go out. And I've become completely dependent on electricity. There's basically nothing that I can do to entertain myself without it. And don't say "read with a flashlight" because that's actually kinda hard to do.

Then there's my fan. I'm probably gonna write a huge blog about sleep at some point, but I'm one of those people who has to sleep with a fan on for the noise. No power means no fan. No fan means no sleep. Literally.

And I know that I could buy a battery-powered fan for emergencies, and I've actually done that before. But they're not very loud and they eat through D batteries like that comedian eats fig newtons. By the sleeve. It probably wouldn't even work in an emergency setting.

So when there's a thunderstorm at night, I basically curl up in a fetal position and hope that the power doesn't go out. Because even if it goes out while I'm asleep, I wake up 100% of the time before the fan even stops. That's how dependent I am on the fan...I'm awake as soon as it goes off.

So screw you, rain. Don't come again another day.