This is Level ONE?

I got a new laptop a few weeks ago, and I was checking out the games that come with it in order to kill some time. One of the games is chess, and I was pretty excited. I've only been exposed to chess a few times, but it's always been a game I've wanted to learn. It's the thinking man's game - the adult's answer to the game of checkers. It's all about strategy and visualizing your next move while anticipating your opponent's.

I'm familiar with the game, but I'm not familiar with strategy. With that in mind, I turned the game to it's "easy" setting. I played a game, and I got beat. I checked, and I wasn't on level one...the default "easy" setting is level three.

I have no problem admitting that I need help when I'm playing a new game. I usually start video games on the default level, but if it's too hard, I can swallow my pride and start on the easy level because I know I'll get bored when I actually gain skill. So I turned it down to level one, and I played again.

So far, I've played about ten times, and I've only won once. In fact, that win was the only time I've even been competitive.

How did I win that one time? I have no idea. Because the game not only beats me, it destroys me. And I think it's just toying with me because I'll feel like I'm staying competitive and then slaughter me systematically. Remember the scene in Rocky IV where Apollo is boxing Ivan Drago? Drago lets Apollo take about a dozen shots to the Russian's face, letting Apollo feel like he's going to dominate...and then Drago unleashes Hell on him. That's how I feel.

And I can't help but think that something is wrong. Level one is supposed to be bowling with bumpers. It's supposed to be the level where anyone can play, before you really know the rules or the gist of the game. I know the rules, and I'd say I'm a pretty smart guy. Shouldn't I be able to win a couple of games on level one?

So it's come down to three possibilities.

1. I really suck at chess

2. Computer chess is the hardest game in the history of the planet

3. The programmers of the game have no idea what "level one" means

Let's break it down:

1. I'll admit that I suck at chess. I already admitted it when I manually changed the difficulty from "default easy" to "really easy." I have no problem admitting it, and it's the whole reason why I'm trying to get better. But I think level one should be teaching me - not frustrating me.

And the internet didn't help either. I tried to look up "chess strategy" and it was way more complicated than I wanted. I wanted some basic ideas on what to do with what pieces. I was hoping to get an idea of which pieces I should protect, which ones I should attack with, and how aggressive I should be. Like with the game itself, I want to start on level one in terms of strategy.

2. Computer chess might be the hardest game in the whole world. Because I'm good at computer games - I play most games and figure them out pretty easily. With chess, I don't feel like I'm making any progress.

But it seems unfair. The computer knows all of the possibilities before the game ends. No matter what I choose to do, the game already has mapped out my entire game. And whatever move I do, it knows the best strategy to taking my attack and turning it against me.

Plus, it seems like computers love to beat people in chess. With football games, I think the computer could care less whether or not the player wins. But chess is the computer's game - people are always using chess games to test new artificial intelligence (think WarGames). I think computers take pride about beating people in chess, even if I've set the stupid thing to level one.

3. Despite all computers' ruthless quest to never lose at chess, I blame the human intelligence behind the program. Maybe the people who made the game are just stupid and don't know that level one is supposed to be hard. Maybe level one is actually supposed to be the hardest difficulty, and level ten is actually the easiest.

Or maybe all the levels are identical, and they didn't get around to making it any different. I don't recall losing any quicker on level three than I did on level one..

Either way, I hate them. And I hate computers. And I hate chess. The game is infuriating, and I just want to win so I can have a hint of satisfaction.

But...no. I can't have that. So screw chess...I'm going to sleep.